You’ve Paid $1.5 Million So Far To Study Why Most Lesbians Are Fat

US taxpayers have paid $1.5 million through the National Institutes of Health to figure out why most lesbians are fat, and it’s not over yet.

Apparently, 75% of lesbians are obese compared to 25% who are not obese, which is weird because they all eat the same thing as far as I can tell.  Conversely, obesity among normal males is double that of gay males.

So, in short, your government wants to know what it is about liking vagina that makes people more prone to being overweight and will spare no cost in finding out.

The project is being led by S. Bryn Austin, Director of Fellowship Research Training in the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine at Boston Children’s Hospital. Austin is also an Associate Professor in the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the Harvard School of Public Health, and an Associate Epidemiologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital (BWH), which is a teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School.

BWH first received a $778,622 grant for the study in 2011, followed by a $741,378 grant in 2012, totaling $1,520,000. The project has the potential to be a five-year study.

The grants list a “project end date” and a “budget end date” of June 30, 2016. The researchers said the subject is one of “high public-health significance.”

“It will be impossible to develop evidence-based preventive interventions unless we first answer basic questions about causal pathways, as we plan to do,” they said. “Our study has high potential for public health impact not only for sexual minorities but also for heterosexuals, as we seek to uncover how processes of gender socialization may exacerbate obesity risk in both sexual minority females and heterosexual males.”

Spoiler Alert: In the end, the study will find that it’s all the fault of cruel, cruel society.

In the real world the answer is obvious.  Men care what you look like more than women do. So if you’re trying to attract a man, you’re going to go the extra mile to look your best. If you’re trying to attract a woman, you can kind of let yourself go and get sloppy.  Where’s my friggin’ grant?

One thought on “You’ve Paid $1.5 Million So Far To Study Why Most Lesbians Are Fat

  1. BucksConservative says:

    Classic! Your analysis and conclusions are spot-on.

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