Two Middle School Repeat-Offender Farters Banned From School Bus

A bout of joint colon-call recidivism on a school bus has resulted in a pair of middle school students being banned from the bus.

The school deemed the anal emissions “obscene gestures”  after the boys’ farts resulted in pandemonium on the bus, with other students laughing, jeering and rolling down windows according to media reports.

The bus driver had warned the boys a few weeks ago after another joint gas attack, so they apparently were designated repeat offenders and handed one-day bus suspensions, [one boy’s father James] Nichols said.


“He suggested my son should hold his gas on this hourlong bus ride, if in fact he has gas,” said Nichols, whose family lives in Bloom Township in Fairfield County south of Canal Winchester.

Nichols’ wife is significantly less amused.

“As a sufferer of gastro-intestinal issues who was recently hospitalized for these issues, I take great offense to passing gas being cause for suspension and marked as an obscene gesture,” [mother Kristine] Kuzora wrote to The Dispatch.

I’m sure your kid is significantly less embarrassed now that you’ve revealed you were hospitalized for excess gas.

Note to school officials: Middle school is entirely useless except for honing fart humor and learning to hide spontaneous classroom erections.  No one in this country can name one other useful thing they learned in middle school (outside, possibly, of that one day when they separate the boys and girls and then teach the girls about menstruation and the boys about deodorant).

A Florida junior high student was actually arrested in 2008 for farting in class.