13th Grade Mayhem: Penn State Erupts After Paterno Fired

More than a thousand 13th grade students at Penn State University rioted last night after the University’s Board of Trustees fired long-time football coach Joe Paterno in the aftermath of a child sex scandal.

Reports indicate that many of the schools typically drunken students were chanting slogans such as “No Ranger Rick Magazine, No Peace” and “Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Clifford the Big Red Dog Is On PBS Every Day.”  Some were considering setting up “Occupy My Wubby” encampments in protest.

Paterno allegedly looked the other way for years after being told that one of his assistant coaches – Jerry Sandusky – was witnessed having sex with young boys in the team’s locker room.  Apparently, the school’s students are OK with this.

The campus chaos began shortly after 10 p.m. with the announcement by the board of trustees that Paterno, 84, who had said earlier in the day that he would retire at the end of the season, was instead fired over the phone and denied a chance to end his career on the playing field.

The trustees also accepted a letter of resignation from longtime president Graham Spanier, who was making $800,000 a year at the end of a 16-year run in which he’d raised the academic profile of the state’s largest academic institution.

As for reports of campus unrest at Paterno’s ouster, John Surma, vice chairman of the board of trustees, said he hoped everyone would realize that the board’s action was for the best: “Because of the difficulties that engulfed our university – and they are grave – it was necessary to make a change in leadership.”